Author: joelwilson

About joelwilson

I am currently working on the last chapter of my first book. I hope to find a publisher by the end of summer 2011. This blog will be my outlet for random rants, short stories and such. Please let me know if you like what you see here. I love golf, baseball, football, basketball, movies and music. I am a lifelong Arkansas Razorback fan. Wooo Pig! Sooie!!

Who’s the Weirdo Now?

funny captions 24 Captions are like a side of ranch... (32 photos)

 

Good Wednesday to you all!  I don’t know what I must be thinking.  Today is Thursday and I hope you are all having a good day!  Good Thursday to everyone!

 

Today I am functioning on 4 hours of sleep.  Normally I stay asleep until I decide to wake up, but today I had to be up early so that my sewer line could be replaced.  So, I have been up since 7:30 this morning.  That is when my alarm iPhone started doing its thang.  At first I thought it was someone else’ alarm that no none seemed to hear except for me.  After about 5 – 10 minutes of listening to the noise I decided to find out where it was all emanating from.  (I know.  Bad grammar, but who cares?  It’s my blog and I can say whatever I want.)

 

So, I looked around and found that it was my alarm and it was there to intentionally wake me.  I set it to do just that last night, but why?  Why did I do that?  Why did I do that?  “Ooh!  Mr. Kotter! Mr. Kotter!”  I said.  “I must have eaten something that induces stupidity the night before and forces a person to write lame jokes like this one.”

 

Well, that may be, but I did have to get up to greet the contractor’s.  So, all day long they have been destroying my back yard with a backhoe and my patio now have a large section of concrete missing.  This is an old house and was built over 100 years ago.  So I watched carefully as they dug up the yard and found Jimmy Hoffa buried underneath my patio.  It was a gruesome find.  The backhoe is not a delicate instrument at all.  It was weird too, the position of the skeleton.  Both of his hands were covering his groin area and his mouth was agape as if to have been screaming because we were able to gaze upon, and make fun of his naked and skinless body.

 

funny billboard sign lost parrot parrot bbq

 

Okay, everything I’ve said is true; except for the part about Jimmy Hoffa.  He wasn’t there either.  I have no idea where he and Waldo are.   They are probably hanging out somewhere on Earth with Carmen Santiago.  I think that she and Jimmy were pretty close.

 

Anyway, so they are digging up my yard.  Maybe all this digging will cause a sinkhole to open underneath the entire house and we will be caught in a landslide that goes down many thousands of feet.  Then I will have a house with a view of a great underground spring that empties into a lake that had formed under the surface.  Probably not.

 

I was thinking.  I‘m  no professional thinker, meaning I have no license to think legally,especially out loud, so my best of thoughts are a little suspect.  Watch your step as you enter.  There is no telling where your foot will land.  A disclaimer; there was no bat guano used in the creation of this paradise.  There are dogs, however, so don’t go around barefoot.  Unless you are into that sort of thing.  You weirdo.

funny captions 25 Captions are like a side of ranch... (32 photos)

 

 

Welcome to Arkansas!

It is a lovely day here in Denver, Colorado. The temps are in the 60’s and 70’s, depending on the location of the storm that just went through here. We even had a tornado warning in my area which is very close to downtown. I even received and emergency alert to take cover NOW, it said. So, what do you think I did? Nope! I went outside to see what was happening and it was very nice out. The storm that just went through might have had a questionable cloud, but otherwise it was not so much.

I lived my first 47 years in Arkansas and I’ve seen lots of storms and tornados. This, today wasn’t nothing. Back home, we all just stand on the porch and watch. If you didn’t mind the rain, like most of us, we took a little walk around the area and get a feel for the local climate.
That is what I just did here. The first thing I noticed is it was too cool. If there was a possibility of a tornado in my area, it has long gone by the time the alert was issued. Oh! How I miss the weather forecasting back home. Especially one meteorologist who worked at the CBS affiliate in Little Rock, Arkansas. His Name was Ed; I can not recall the last name, but he was very good and always spot on. KTHV is the call letters for that station and it was my favorite when I lived there. I wonder if he is still there? It’s been 12 1/2 years since I moved to Colorado.
Colorado is so very nice. The climate, though, is much drier than Hog country. We don’t get a lot of rain here. We depend heavily on the snow that we get in the winter and spring to make it through the year. Farmers have the toughest time. People in the cities are spoiled and water the lawns like a crazy man. You pretty much have to though or the lawns will dry up and become tumble weeds.

The weather forecasters here, with the exception of a few, are grandstanders. I think it must be all about ratings or something, because so many of them try to over-dramatize the weather. I know that one of the local weathermen has an ego that just won’t quit.
Weatherman here, I’ll say, love it when it snows. They go on TV and try to scare everyone into thinking their little bit of snow (2 – 4 inches) will make life unbearable. But this is Denver, Colorado folks. It snows here. Two to four inches is nothing. I know that back home, they close schools for that amount, but not here. When it snows here, everything is still happening. Heck fire, even 8 – 10 inches won’t stop us. But the possibility to even have a dusting of snow here is taken as a challenge to increase weatherman’s ratings.

Now, it seems that they are jumping on the tornado weather bandwagon and using that to scare the people.
Listen, guys, your emergency alert was issued after the fact. Go, spend some time in Arkansas, Oklahoma, Texas, Mississippi and Louisiana. Learn what weather forecasting is like in those areas, then you can come back home to Denver with an education.

So, what do you think of the climate change? Well, it could be much ado about nothing, or it may be something more serious. I recall reading a report on a theory that had been proposed by a group of scientists. It was proposed that the Earth’s climate may not always be so normal. The idea was that there could be, sometime in the near future if not already, the poles on earth would move and thereby change the climate as we know it.

I was reminded of that while watching the weather forecasts during the past winter in Denver. Where was all the cold and snow coming from. Well, we all know the normal answer is the jet stream as it brings cold weather south. But this year, something else was to blame. They called it the Polar Vortex. Was it? Or was it a sign of things to come.

My lawn is much, much greener and grown up than years before. I am seeing a good amount of rainfall this year so far too. In fact, today’s weather reminds me of being back home in Arkansas. It doesn’t surprise me because there isn’t that much difference between the two states, weatherwise, except that it snows more here and rains more there. The temps during the winter are a little colder here and the cold lasts longer than it does there. So, when I first moved to Colorado, I made that observation. I also found out that rain in the summer is difficult to come by here.

Then one day I was looking on Google Earth and trying to explain to my wife what is meant by gulf moisture. This is the very thing that brings so mu8ch rain and humidity to Arkansas. I noticed something else that was very interesting. If global warming were real, and I believe it is, it would not take a lot of change for the gulf moisture to follow the Rocky Mountains and bring about more rain for Colorado. It may be happening now.

Lately, I hear the weather people talking more and more about moisture that is coming up from the gulf. Those clouds, today and yesterday were just that, gulf moisture. It sure feels like Arkansas in Colorado today. My lawn looks like it too.

Funny Quotes and Where Have I been?


Hey there and Hi-De-Ho Everybody!  I’ve got to get my act together.  I’ve really been working on my next novel, which is a sequel to The Thorium Endeavor.  The story is not like a volume 2, but is a new story featuring the main characters from The Thorium Endeavor and introducing a few more.  It tells of a new threat of world domination and will we be able to overcome this evil?  The characters were introduced to the world in The Thoirum Endeavor.  If you have yet to meet these folks you may want to read The Thorium Endeavor first.  It is available as an ebook on Amazon, Barnes & Nobel, Kobo, IBooks and Smashwords.  It is also available in paperback on Amazon only.

The new story is still a work in progress and a title has not yet been decided on, but it will have its own title and not be a continuation of The Thorium Endeavor.


In the meantime, I just wanted to check in with you and let you all know that I am still alive and writing.

Now that summer is now here, I will be blogging more often than I did during the winter months.

Today, however, I am bringing the laughter back!  Enjoy the humor!

Funny Quotes:

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.

 

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

 

 

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

 

 

Be thankful we’re not getting all the government we’re paying for.

 

SPIDERMAN!!! BREAKING NEWS!!!

picture by erikvonlehmann.deviantart.com

Just in case you haven’t heard the news, Spiderman has been issued a citation by the city of New York for littering.  The amount of the fine is substantial, reaching to nearly $7,000,000.

“Every time he goes into our beautiful city, ” says the New York Litter Czar, Robert Van Zinkell, “he leaves a huge mess of web-like material that somebody else has to clean up.”

“He’s not like other spiders that spin webs in corners and under furniture.  No! When he spins his webs it is everywhere and unavoidable!”  Explained one construction worker who was once hit with one of Spiderman’s webs as he was working on the 75th floor of a new skyscraper going up in Manhattan.  “It knocked me off balance and I started to fall to my death.  Lucky for me, that web stuff is stickier than duck tape and it stopped my fall after about 3 floors.  But I was just hanging there, in mid air, until someone in the building across the street happened to look out of their window and noticed me wrapped in this stuff and being blown about by a strong wind!”

Citizen Sara Clemons works in the Empire State Building, claims that she has been hit in the face by his used web material while passing through the doorway to the building.  “It just drops out of nowhere and engulfs you!  I was dressed for dinner one night and wore this lovely red dress from Versace when this shit grabbed me and there I was, struggling to free myself.  I finally did get free, but my dress was filthy.  Is he going to pay me back for the cleaning bill?  I haven’t seen a penny yet.  He may be a super hero in some eyes, but to me he is no better than those who place graffiti all around town.  He’s a bum!”

At the beginning of his career, the building managers would pay extra money for the window washers to clean it off as they go.  The washers, however, soon found that dumping this stuff in a landfill was getting to be quite costly as there was so much of it, that they couldn’t get reimbursed by the building owners, so they had to raise their rates just to make ends meet.  This quickly became too costly for the building owners and subsequently stopped paying for this service.  The city quickly became an eyesore.

Spiderman has also run into trouble in the city because of his masked presence.  When he finds himself needing to go, not one of the stores will allow him to utilize their facilities.  Many of the city’s homeless have reported that they have seen him in the alleys and rooftops spelling out his name with his own urine.

“I was at my house, in the alley, just last week” reported James Lee Mausterheisen, an unemployed and homeless man living in an alley on Wall Street, I was getting ready for my date The First Lady.  I went to use the toilet and as I sat down I looked across the alley and guess what?  There was Spiderman,  sitting against a brick wall, and taking a dump of his own.  I think he might have had diarrhea.  It was an awful smell and the flies were especially bad then.  He left before I could get his autograph, though, and he didn’t even clean up after himself!”

The city’s Mayor, Reuumpell Steiltskenn, has had enough of this shit and has developed a special brigade to the New York City Sanitation Department known as the Spiderman Division.  These highly trained individuals are tasked with the most important duty of locating places where Spiderman has been and erase the evidence of his previous presence.  Since their work is performed in the dead of night, it is not known to the public or this reporter, just how they go about their duties.

Some have speculated that they first locate Spiderman himself and follow him around while removing his residue.  Others believe that the Division equips each specialist with a weapon, of sorts.  Most believe that they carry flame throwers that will burn the sticky web substance from the building.  There has been an increase in structure fires reported by the New York Fire Department, which is drawing from their ability to serve the citizens.

So, the city council voted back in August to make Spiderman responsible, by sending him a bill for cleanup to this point and quarterly after that.  Spiderman responded, “What do they want from me?  I stop evil forces from dominating the city and they still complain.  I don’t have a job, per se.  How am I supposed to pay this bill?  I’ve tried to get corporate sponsorship but no one is eager to step forward and donate a salary to this homeless man.”

To this date, however, Spiderman has yet to work out a solution and he is now 6 months behind in paying his debt to the city.  We asked several Wall Street types and CEO’s if they would help out Spiderman and they all refused, saying that they were all evil themselves and draw enjoyment from Spidermans predicament.

Hupponte Rooftop, reporting for WMSCL News.

Disclaimer:  This entire story is in no way related to any person, place or entity.  It is all fictitious and was written in jest.  I made up the whole thing and in no way is it intended to cast aspersions on the real Spiderman or the one created for Marvel Comics by the great Stan Lee.  Just enjoy the story!

Holidays, Relatives, Pneumonia but Not Quite, Writer’s Block and It’s COLD Out There!

Hello to all of my friends living in cyberspace!  It has been a long time since I’ve written y’all (yes, I’m a southern boy), and its high time I ventured out of my hibernation and visit you.
 
So, Here I am!  Where have I been and what have I been up to, you ask?  Well, it was holiday season and that means visits from relatives and friends.  Then there was all the falderal that goes with celebrating Christmas.  I was sick for about six weeks.  I think it was the almost pneumonia but not quite that kept me drugged out of my head.  Last but not least, as I’m sure you all know, it has been COLD!!  I didn’t want to climb out of my warm and comfortable bed and when I did it was to sit in front of my space heater, which is where I am now.  Oh! Did I mention the horrible case of writer’s block that had me truly wondering if I would ever be able to write again.  I’m not kidding.  Nothing was venturing into my mind and there was lots of room for it to come in and do whatever it wants.
I’m happy to say that I believe I have come out of the writer’s block and I have been working on my next novel everyday this week.  Idea’s are just popping in my head like microwave popcorn.  My head being the bag in this simile and the popcorn the exploding ideas.
I had thought I would comment on the unusual cold spell that is engulfing the U.S., but by this time I am sure that everyone is aware of it and has formed their own opinions concerning that.  Yesterday, the high temperature in Denver was 3° F.  Today, though, it is a balmy 43°!  Maybe I will strip down to my man thong and take a stroll around the park. Hmm…….
I don’t know why, but the application would not allow me to present these last paragraphs in a larger font.  I apologize if it made you squint.

A Short Story and NaNoWriMo

Hello friends!  I’ve written a short story just for you!  I wanted to let y’all know that I am still alive and to also tell you that I’ve decided to take on the unthinkable.  NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month and is happening this month.  Authors and writers from all over the globe are participating in this writing challenge; that is to write a 50,000 word novel all during the month of November.  So I finished up this short story today so that you all could read, hopefully enjoy and whet your appetite for the novel I am trying to have written by the end of this month.  I don’t know what that will be, but I do know that I’ve put much of the work that has been piling up on me, behind me now and I am free to devote myself to the challenge of NaNoWriMo!  I hope you enjoy “The Shaft”.  If it makes you want to read more of my work, you cand find me at these links:  

 

“Rescue of the Heart” by Joel Wilson http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008F050GG

 https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/275461

 

“The Thorium Endeavor” by Joel Wilson    http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BIOFKJI

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/288612  

 

 

The Shaft

(A Short Story)

By

Joel Wilson

Copyright © 2013

 

Mt. Sneffels is located in southwest Colorado, near the town of Ouray.  It is one of the most photographed mountains in the state.  Though not the highest peak in Colorado, it is among the twenty seven Fourteeners.  Sneffels is a popular spot for tourists who want to travel through these Swiss Alps–like mountains and enjoy the scenery or to visit the quaint little mountain town of Ouray.

It was on such a trip that Ethan noticed something he could not explain.  His curiosity was peaked and he studied the spot with the help of the three hundred millimeter zoom lens that was mounted to the body of his Pentax digital camera and supported by the tripod that Ethan had brought along to help insure the stability of his camera.  The wind was blowing strongly near the top of the ridge that stood across from Mt. Sneffels and Ethan was glad he had brought the tripod.

From the point where he was standing he was able to find great scenery in all directions.  Ethan though, was not there just to take pictures.  His purpose was to recreate the quality photographs of the West that were taken by the great Ansel Adams.  Ethan had been scouring the side of Mt. Sneffels searching for a bear, a mountain lion, big horned sheep, buffalo, and any animal that you don’t normally see in downtown Detroit.

As he searched the side of the mountain, he noticed a rock formation.  At first, he thought this to be evidence of a rock slide.  As he searched further down the mountain, he saw a massive pile of boulder’s and rocks resting on the bank of Sneffels Creek.  These were most likely the biggest part of the slide.  He wondered, while looking at the smaller pile, what had caused these boulders to rest where they did and not travel to the bottom of the mountain with the rest of them.

Just by looking through his camera and lens, he could not find an answer.  He returned to the hotel in Ouray where he had booked a room; a haven where he could go to relax after a hard day of roaming the countryside of the Northern San Juan Mountains.  He had enjoyed a steak dinner at a restaurant in town and returned to his room to study the digital photo’s he had taken during the day.

He had taken several shots of the rock slides and when he came across these photos’s he found himself immersed in the mystery of the rock slide.  Ethan had questions that could not be answered given the information that was currently available to him.  He knew that the only way he would solve this was to go there himself.

Ethan turned on the TV and lay in the bed, hoping to fall asleep.  This was his normal routine when he was at home and it always worked fine.  Tonight, though, he could not rest.  Too much was on his mind and it all concerned that pile of rocks he had seen half-way up on Mt. Sneffels.

As he wrestled to find a comfortable position, his mind kept showing him the pictures he had taken of the rocks.  His brain continued to wander until it latched onto a story which Ethan had read a week ago and was the inspiration for taking this trip.

The story told of the Lost Crazy Swede Mine.  His name was Gus Lindstrom, a Swede who had gotten lost in a blizzard during the winter of 1906.  He happened upon a rocky ledge that stuck out enough to protect him from the storm.  It was here that he got lucky.  He had stumbled upon calaverite; silver.  He filled his knapsack with it and carried it down the mountain to have it assayed.

The blizzard continued and his landmarks were covered up.  He tried and tried but could never find the place where he had gotten lucky. Gus had lost his mind trying to relocate the rocky ledge and was admitted to the state hospital in Pueblo, Colorado in 1909.

That location, to this day, has not been found.  Ethan didn’t sleep at all that night.  He kept thinking that this might be his lucky day and morning could not come sooner.

A ray of light parted the curtains draping his window and shone softly over his face.  It was early morning and the sun was still climbing the other side of the mountain that stood between it the town in the valley below.

Ethan knew it was time to get moving and he rolled to his side that faced the mountain.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, he examined the huge rocky surface outside the window.  “This face of the mountain reminds me of the one on Mt. Sneffels,” he said to himself.

There were trails leading most of the way up the mountain formed by people who had ventured up it over the years.  Above the tree line, however, the trails ended and anyone who would dare to reach the summit would have to climb the rest of the way.

During the excitement of it all, Ethan had noticed that the smaller rock pile on Sneffels was above the tree line.  He knew that he would have to climb over many boulders to get to the spot.

Ethan was an amateur climber.  Most of his experience was in hiking up pre-existing trails, usually with the aid of a walking stick.  Today would be no different, he imagined, and he got dressed, brushed his teeth and headed for the restaurant where had eaten the night before, to fill up on breakfast.

After he had eaten, Ethan was eager to get started.  He drove along the forest road as far as he could and parked his Land Rover in a small open area that looked like it was created for people to park their cars.  Leaving his vehicle, he walked along the Blue Lakes Trail for a few miles and came upon another trail that looked to travel up the mountain diagonally.

The trail allowed him to travel up an easier incline and at one point turned sharply to lead you on up, but in the other direction.  Ethan continued his trek up the mountainside.

Following the trail led him back and forth but always upward.  At one of the turning points, Ethan stopped his ascent to study what appeared to be something out of the ordinary.  The point at which the trail turned to go the other direction did so because of what Ethan had seen there.

Sitting on a rock that was beside the trail, at the turn, Ethan saw an area about thirty yards across and led all the way down to the creek at the base of the mountain.  What he found so interesting was that the trees, all the way down were much smaller and less thick than the other trees that were in that area.

By looking through his camera lens, he saw at the bottom a large pile of boulders and rocks.  Ethan then looked up and saw another, smaller pile of boulders about a hundred yards up.

Stuffing his camera back into its bag for protection, he decided to leave the trail and work his way, the remainder of the journey, upward to study the rock pile that had caught his attention and was the purpose of this climb.

He had brought a long rope that was in the backpack which he wore.  The rope was tied to a grappling hook.  He thought that it might come in handy and as it turned out, he was right.  Ethan removed the backpack and withdrew the rope and hook.

Going up this part of the mountain was much steeper than following the already established trail, but getting to his destination would be faster this way and besides, he couldn’t be certain that the trail even went there.  So he took the rope, made room for a little slack between him and the hook and swung it around.  Letting go of the rope while guiding it on its flight, the hook sailed up the side of the mountain and wrapped itself around a tree.  Finding it to be secure, he again put on the backpack and with the help of the rope, began climbing upward.  He repeated the tossing upward of the rope five times in all and within an hour had arrived beside the pile of rocks.

Sitting on the side of the mountain and supported by a warped tree that served him as a bench, Ethan removed the crushable wool fedora, because it made him feel like a certain archaeologist, and rested it on the ground beside him.  While catching his breath, Ethan wiped the sweat from his brow with the rag which hung out from his back pocket.

He stared at the pile of rocks before him and looking upward, saw a place from where, he imagined, they must have fallen.

Ethan was thankful that he had planned this trip for early August instead of the fall.  Though it was a hot day on the plains of Colorado, the temperature at 10,000 feet were in the upper sixties; it wasn’t hot, but it was still warm enough to work up a sweat if one were exerting himself.

A strong gust of wind blasted its way around the mountainside and Ethan had to hold onto the bent tree to keep from falling down the mountainside.  Thankfully, it was only a gust of wind and not a wind storm, but it was enough to convince him that he needed to secure himself better.

Looking at the rope and following its climb up the mountain he saw that the grappling hook was secured to another larger pine about twenty feet above and to the right side of the pile.  He allowed for some slack in the rope so that he could move around, fashioned a loop about three feet wide and secured it with a slip knot.  The rope would serve as a safety harness to save him if something happened and cause him to fall.  He slipped inside the loop and drew it a little tighter around his waist.

Feeling secure, he decided to climb around the rock pile and examine it.  Near the top of the pile the rocks were smaller and he figured that they would be more manageable, so he moved in closer, bracing himself with his feet resting on a large boulder.

The topmost stone was directly in front of Ethan’s face and about the same size.  He grabbed hold, using both hands and relocated the stone upward and to the left so that it could rest against another stone.  He repeated this with a few other such stones.  Just as he was removing one more, he felt a slight breeze coming from behind the rock.

The breeze caught his attention and made him stop for a moment, considering what it was that he just experienced.  Did he really feel that or was his imagination beginning to play tricks on him.  “Wind can’t emanate from the side of a mountain”, he whispered aloud and to himself.  He dismissed it as being his imagination.

The stones were getting larger and heavier, so he only removed a few more.  On the last rock, he felt a bit of resistance to his attempt to remove it.  Ethan struggled with it but finally won the battle.  As he pulled the rock from its resting place, he felt the wind again.  It was as though the mountain had exhaled in his face.  The air was musty and had a smidgen of stench to it as well.

At first, he turned his head away as though he could run from the smell, but running away was not the purpose of his coming there.  He decided to man-up and face it head-on.

The late afternoon sun was lighting up the upper half of the mountain and was casting a ray of light through the hole which had been made by the efforts of Ethan moving the rocks.  He looked into the backpack sized hole and was able to see beyond the rock pile.

The excitement rose in his chest, his heart beating faster and it seemed that his imagination had taken on a new life.  Behind the rocks was a cave and his thoughts turned toward discovering lost treasure.  Eager to see what lay hidden inside, Ethan crawled head first inside the hole.  He was stopped in the cave entrance and atop the stones because the rope that was around his waist had run out of slack.  Scooting backwards, he released the tension of the slip knot and slithered out of the self-made harness and continued crawling over the rocks until he was inside the cave.

He rose to his feet and looked around but the ray of light seemed to run out of luminosity before the cave ended.  Ethan removed his backpack and withdrew the flashlight that he had packed inside.  He pressed the switch with his thumb and cast the light down the cave as though he were fishing.  Following the beam of light, he ventured further into the cave and around a few corners.

It wasn’t until he rounded the second corner, about fifty yards inside the cave that he saw it.  He shone the light along the ceiling, wall and floor of the cave in order to investigate as best as he could.  Just as he was sweeping the beam of light across the wall to his left, a sudden flash was reflected back to him, causing him to turn his head quickly to protect his eyes.  Ethan shook his head in an effort to shake the sudden brightness of the flash from his pupils.

He swept the area which had produced the flash and there it was again.  Stepping to the side so that the reflection did not again invade his eyes, he stared at the cause of the reflection, not believing what he had found.  The reflective surface escaped the confines of the ring of light which had been cast on the wall by the flashlight.  Following the reflective surface, He traced the vein downward and to his left and passing behind him along the floor of the cave.

Ethan was shaking from the excitement.  He already knew the answer, but he tried to convince himself by performing the math out longhand with his finger in the dirt that dusted the ground.  He knew that silver had been trading for somewhere over twenty dollars and ounce.  Looking back at this discovery, he was sure that he could get at least ten pounds of it and without a whole lot of effort.  “Let’s see,” he spoke to the vein before him.  “How many ounces are in ten pounds?”

He performed this calculation in the dirt and came up with one hundred and sixty ounces.  Then he multiplied that by twenty and found that the value would be three thousand three hundred sixty dollars.  His mind raced as he covered the dirt floor with his calculations until he found that he could not complete the equation because he was never very good at math.  He knew, though, by just looking at this vein of silver with its length and width, that there was probably enough to make himself become a millionaire.

Ethan looked at his watch and saw that it was becoming early evening and knew that the sun had dropped below the horizon.  It would not be safe for him to travel back down the mountain just so that he could sleep in that hotel bed.  He was too excited to eat, too, and decided to stay where he was and work through the night.  In his backpack there extra batteries and beef jerky and a bottle of water.  He was determined to make it last through the night.  There was also a three pound hammer in the backpack and he removed it along with the chisel that he had carried up the mountain to have in such a case as this.

Too excited to sleep, he spent most of the night beating chunks of silver out of the wall and floor.  He had built a pretty good pile which he figured must have weighed somewhere around fifty pounds or sixteen thousand dollars, by his way of thinking.

Ethan took a short break to eat some jerky and drink water.  He then returned to his new found life of prospecting and dug more silver from the wall.

His eyes were getting heavy and fatigue was setting in as he slumped to the ground, sitting on his left hip and resting his head against the wall of the cave.  It was here that sleep had overtaken him and he rested in this position through the remainder of the night.

Sometime in the wee morning hours, Ethan awoke while clutching his chest.  Sharp pains were shooting down his left arm and he knew that he was having a heart attack.  His heart felt as if it was going to explode, and he lay on his back along the dirty floor.  Rolling his head to the left he cast his eyes on the silver which he had piled up and thought “All my troubles were gonna be over.”  His body jerked and he exhaled one last breath as his soul left his body.

Ethan died after having found the treasure of the Lost Crazy Swede Mine.  No one knew where he had gone or what he had been up to.  He had no immediate family to miss him.

Two years later a man and his wife were climbing the mountain and happened upon the pile of rocks, noticing the hole near the top of the pile.  Together they climbed the rocks to the top.  Once there, they looked through the hole that had been made a couple of years earlier by Ethan.  Shining their flashlight into the hole, they could not see anything.  Ethan had made his discovery around the corner, not visible from the mouth of the cave.

 

The man and his wife decided to continue their climb up this Fourteener and, so, left the cave behind.  No one has ever found the mine which led one man to lose his mind and another to lose his life.

I am in Love with My Wife!!

Hello and welcome back to all my reader friends.  Yes it has been quite a while.  

If you remember, I did the unthinkable.  The end of last August I had my lower teeth pulled and fitted for dentures.  I am still trying to learn to eat and speak with them.  I also went through a total knee replacement and had to fight  the pain and learn to walk again.  I am happy to say that I am off the pain MEDs now and am able to climb stairs with both legs too.  It has been exactly one month since the surgery and I am doing well.  Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers for me during this time. It feels good to be back.

I want to tell you that I have the most wonderful and beautiful wife in the whole world.  Through all of this she has been very helpful and caring and loving.  She has done so much for me and assisted me with my exercise.  She has held down a full time job while also cooking me special foods and keeping the house clean.  She has waited on me hand and foot, or should I say that she has waited on me knee and teeth?  I am the richest man in the world only because I have the best woman as my wife.  I love you baby, so much.

Today my head feels clearer and my thoughts aren’t drug influenced.  During my rehab I also had a very good physical therapist that came to see me three times a week.  Suzanne was very good and I appreciate her very much.

So now is the time that I must get back to work on my stories and books.  I am excited to get started again.  

Now, if you will excuse me.  I must put in my teeth and eat some breakfast.  Everybody have a great day today!

Big Changes Coming This Week

Well, the moment has nearly arrived.  There are things that I have been putting off in my life for many years now.  My time has run out and now I must deal with these things.  I was first alerted to the need for one of these things about 30 years ago.  
I was in my second semester of college majoring in Religious Education.  The first semester had been a breeze and I had made the Dean’s List.  The second semester offered one caveat.  The administration was requiring all students to take a phys ed class.  I was pretty athletic; had been all my life, but I was not eager to take this class since the purpose of my being there was a religious education.  Still, I took  the class and was having no problems until one day when we were playing basketball.  It was just for fun.  On this day and in this game, I had the ball and drove the lane for an uncontested lay-up.  It wasn’t painful, but I felt it anyway and it concerned me, so I walked over the bench after making the shot and sat down to consider what was the strange feeling I’d experienced and heard.  It seemed to be fine, so I continued to play.
Two days later I was on crutches and had to drop out of school for lack of being able to attend classes.  I had seen an orthopedic surgeon who told me I had the knees of a seventy eight year old man.  I was twenty six at the time.  
I had arthroscopic surgery on the damaged knee to repair a torn ligament.  He warned me that probably sooner than later I would have to replace these knees or learn to use a wheelchair.  I was 26 and athletic, that couldn’t happen to me!  
So, in the interim years between then and now, I played basketball pick-up games like it was going out of style,  I played tennis at a competitive level for hours into the night, I taught aerobics at a major health club for 10 years and I rode my bike for hours every other day just to push myself.
Then it all changed.  Ten years ago I had knee replacement surgery on that first knee.  My life slowed down considerably.  Now, I am on my last leg, so to speak, and the other knee has to go to make room for a new one.  So, that is what I will be doing this Friday morning.  Afterwards I will be heavily involved in rehab and learning to walk and use the bathroom again.  Then, after full recovery, I plan on playing a lot of golf.
So that’s on Friday this week, but before I get to have all that fun,  On Wednesday, all my lower teeth will be pulled and in their place will be dentures.  Yes I am now that old.  My dad had them at a younger age than me, so I kind of have some knowledge of what to expect, but at least I will be able to chew food without pain.  I would get implants but they are ridiculously too expensive.  I wonder how this will change the way I speak or even it it will.  Maybe I’ll be able to speak in my Scottish accent on a regular basis instead of just when I want to.
So, if you’ll be wondering what I.m up to in the coming weeks, I’ll be learning to walk, use the potty and speak all over again. 
I’ll be updating this blog on days that the pain MEDs aren’t in control.  What a way to end the summer, huh?

 

Did Anyone See Where I lay Down My Brain? Oh! There it is!

I was excited!  Anxious at all the possibilities! Thoughts were seemingly flying through my mind and I knew that I could grab a hold of any one of them and use it for my blog posting today.  But I was too busy at the time to make a note.  That’s okay, though, I’ll have no problem remembering this.

My creative mind was whirling away so much that you could almost hear it.  One subject after another whizzed about my mind and it felt like I had struck gold.  The Motherload of great ideas was now within my reach.  I could not wait for today to get here when I knew I would have the time to write and I could put up a real kick-ass blog.

I call it getting old.  I could also blame it on the MS, forgetfulness is one of the things really cool things that come with the Multiple Sclerosis.  Sometimes I even forget where I am.

You might find this odd, but I’ve slept since I wrote that last paragraph.  Now I remember what I wanted to share with you.

I want to tell you that I have adopted a new way of reading and I’d like it if the whole world does it too.  From henceforth, I will no longer purchase and read best selling books that have been produced by any of the traditional publishing houses.  I am only reading books that have been self-produced.  By that I mean, independent authors who have no publishing contract with any traditional publisher.

There are way too many good authors out here that can’t afford to pay an editor, or can’t get the attention of agents and whose perfectly good novel is laying at the bottom of a slush pile hoping to be discovered, but never will.  It’s time we take a stand and make our presence known.

I have read books by great authors who can sneeze on a napkin and their publisher will not only print it, but will promote the hell out of it so that it makes the NY Times Best Selling List.  I’m sorry, but I have read their books and I have read the books of authors like me that go unnoticed and I believe the quality of many, many self-published authors are as good, if not better written than the famous writers.

It’s obvious that the big publishing houses want to keep us hidden.  Do you know that many of the big book retailers won’t even put a book on their shelf if it hasn’t come from the big publishers.  The chances that a new or unknown author has of getting discovered is so heavily stacked against him/her that their chances are almost non-existent.

Just imagine what it would be like if suddenly, the books of us indie authors started selling more than those on the New York Times Best Selling list.  The likes of Dan Brown, Sandra Brown, James Patterson, PatriciaCornwell,  Michael Crichton, Stephen King, John Grisham, Sue Grafton, Lee Child and on and on ad nauseum, would suddenly have competition.  As it is today, they are all established and well supported by the big publishers that they can turn out any drivel and make big bucks while we all struggle to feed our children.

We can turn things around in our favor if we could only manage to do this one thing.  Stop buying their books and start buying only those of us self-published authors.  I am sure that we would find new and very good authors who till now have gone unnoticed and may never be noticed.

So, here’s what I’m saying,  show your loyalty to the self-published industry.  Buy only our books.  I dare you. I double-dog dare you to do just that and watch how fast the publishers start coming to us and seeking us out.  We can change it all, ourselves.

“One Swallow Does Not Make a Summer, So, Go Ahead and Take Another Bite.”

Good summer morning to everybody in the whole world! Wow! I have really missed you guys.

This has been a busy summer for me and, I’m sorry to say, it has kept me away from y’all (or you all, in case you don’t understand the southern English, which is the only correct way to speak English unless you are from the UK), how the heck are ya?

Hopefully, you have had a great time so far and I wish you all the best for the remainder of the year.

My wife retired from teaching at a public school this past spring. She lasted for 25 years! Everybody, let’s give her a hand. I’ll give her my left hand, because my right hand is not that dependable any longer. You can offer whichever hand you want to give to her.

Anyway, after two hot and short months she just could not stand being at home all the time, so today she went back to work as a teacher in a private school. I wish her Godspeed in her new endeavors.

I have had family visit me this summer, many of whom I have not seen in 10 years. It was great to see them all. My grandkids have grown much taller that the last time I saw them. I think that I have even shrunk a couple of inches since then too. The younger ones could almost look me in the eye and my granddaughter who is destined to become someone great is now 15 years old and taller than me. Life is truely passing me by and growing taller than I. Soon I’ll shrivel up into a little frail old man that nobody can see except for my doctor who will only be able to do so through a magnifying glass.

My wife and I didn’t go anywhere this summer, for lack of money, but we would have liked to. Maybe next year.

Today starts my new journey back into the world of writing. It all began here, the blog and will continue with a venture back into novel world. I have time on my hands now so that I can do it.

How about you? Have you done anything out of the ordinary this summer? I know that if you live in Colorado, then there’s a good chance you spent the summer trying not to lose your home to wildfire. I hope that you are all safe. I live in Denver and close to downtown so the closest I got to the fires was watching it on TV. Those of you who have suffered during the fire season I want you to know that you are in my prayers.

Now I sit at home with just my computer and two dogs. Together, we will attempt to discover new worlds and meet new people through the journeys of my mind.

Please stay tuned. There is more to come.

P.S.  The title of this blog is a direct quote of Aristotle and Joel Wilson.  We both said it simultaneously when we were having fun at the skateboard park.  We both shouted it out as we passed each other on the half-pipe.  What a day that was!